margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
