it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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