He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
