My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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