Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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