Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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