Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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