You're completely useless in the revolution.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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