walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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