I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
