I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
