The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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