I think I am morally bankrupt
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
