I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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