i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
