Sry I called you an 8
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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