tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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