did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
