Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
