What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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