Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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