If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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