I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
