You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
