dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
