break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
