She's JV to your varsity
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize