This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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