I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
