I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
