Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize