Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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