I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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