On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize