at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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