I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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