Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
