he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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