I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
