it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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