just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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