just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
