Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
