I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
