1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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