We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
