people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
