Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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