You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
