i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
