I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
