I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
