you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
