So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
