Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
