So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
