There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
