You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
