we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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