His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The feeling are messing with the penis
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
