i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
