so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
