I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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