is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
