An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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