he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
