i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
